The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
