Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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