My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
