I wanna bring you to show and tell
You work out of a Hotel?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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