Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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