Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
