i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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