Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
