im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
