sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
