hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
