Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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