Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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