:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
