You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
