It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
