No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize