My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
