please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
