Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
