Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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