I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
