whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
