they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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