WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
