I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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