In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
