His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
