who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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