people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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