My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
