What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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