I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
