No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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