the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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