took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
