idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
