allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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