Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
