This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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