You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
