Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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