woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
