Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
