Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
