Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You are the jesus of drinking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
