Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
