The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
