We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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