I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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