found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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