p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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