can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize