Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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