What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
