no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
