i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
