Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
