You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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