Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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