...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
