i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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