she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
