I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
