my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
