it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You made out with two different species that night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
