We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
