you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
