it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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