i would punch a child for taco bell
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
