so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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