Your face is a jimmy john
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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