If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
