Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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