9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
