I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
zippers are such a cool invention
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
