So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
