Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
