Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
