I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
