after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
