I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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