I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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