just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
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