My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
