ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
