So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
