If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
