I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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